Baby Brain: ProCreating Your Future.
I : Truth
There are points in life where time stops and everything changes. What once mattered ceases relevance. The news of new life entering my life paused time and changed my everything.
The irony of that moment, is that I was engrossed in what I thought was my world... Music.
II : Two words
As I liked to do on a regular basis, I was sat in front of my laptop, hooked up to my keyboard & controllers, working on my latest projects. Flitting between software’s, hoping creativity found its way. I initially ignored her FaceTime as I was onto something. Once I hit the wall, I returned the call. Greeted by my apprehensive partner, the words left her lips...
III : Processing
The equipment & saved projects that lay in front of me, pending my interaction, ceased all relevance in my life. For I was to become a father before I produced for Jay Z. I would be changing nappies before changing the world with my music. Since the age of 18, all I ever wanted to do was to work within music. Produce for my idols, DJ at Coachella, meet Kanye and tell him I believe. Since I was a child, I always wanted to become a Father. But not before I had "made it". All these thoughts raced through my mind. I think its safe to say, tears of joy and sadness rolled down both our faces. We were about to become parents. Two were to become three. Our life as we knew it was about to change forever. A limit had been set on our time together as just us. The overriding feeling of course was happiness and a sense of meaning. This is why we are placed on this Earth right? Created to create? Advancing the world during our short tenure. Hoping to improve and influence other lives around you with your actions and decisions. At least that’s how i've always viewed my purpose.
IV : Realisation
As it is for many couples, it was always part of the plan. A checkpoint along our timeline. Our checkpoint now less than 9 months away and counting. Naturally, you question your ability to be a parent. You evaluate your job status, accomplishments thus far, savings & financial history. All these factors are taken into consideration when considering bringing a life into this hectic & crazy world. You start waiting for your penny change at the till, you actually read newspapers and you become a sponge, absorbing & inhaling everything around you. Elements that used to bypass my selfish world now became relevant.
V : Preparation
8 months pass and my daughter is scheduled to enter my life within 1 month, wow. Living arrangements in place, finances in some kind of order and enough clothes & accessories for triplets. One dream, days away from fruition, the other collating dust, harbouring storage on my hard drive. Music was placed on hold. For sending Midi signals to Logic lacked any importance. Was it selfish to view my disregard for my music as a sacrifice? For my partner was sacrificing so much more.
VI : Sacrifice
The greatest gift is life. We had been gifted the opportunity to bring life into the world. My partners body carrying and nurturing this life. Taking care of our daughter, every second of everyday. Living simultaneously, hearts beating in harmony. Each day her body changing. Alien feelings, experiencing unimaginable pain. Sacrificing far more than I ever could. To witness this beautiful evolution fills you with love and admiration. Her imperfections become your perfections. All the while, your body stays the same and nothing changes. No pain is felt and no sacrifice is necessary.
VII : Arrival
Maddison Leigh Davies. 8:24am. 24/09/2015. My greatest creation.
The love you feel for your child is truly unbelievable. Half daddy, half mummy. One plus one equalling three. Our world in seconds expanded yet tightened. Our own little team against this big bad world. Within those few moments you are making promises you pray you can keep. Safety, solidarity, success. The truest vows you will ever speak. The arrival of a child sparks many things, the vast majority all positively impacting your life. Negativity and hard times however are inevitable. Arguments are unavoidable and your relationship is tested almost daily. As of now, you are second best. The world no longer revolves around you and in all honesty, no one cares. Your life is consumed by their arrival and they become your decision filter. There are no second chances. At the same time, your child becomes your glue. The constant that binds you together and gives you a purpose. For your duty is to give everything you have. Relay your knowledge, recycle your experiences and learn from mistakes. Converting negatives to positives and adhering to your promises. The truth is, the only girls heart you will never break is your daughters. She will hold the dearest place in your heart and the love overwhelms you.
VIII : MERGING
Before Maddie, my life was merely an instrumental, moving along at a steady tempo. Her arrival became the vocals, giving me body and direction. Our lives instantly in sync, a perfect mix. Before long, that life I had placed on hold was knocking on the door. The abandoned projects and dormant ideas suddenly breathed life. Viewing them with fresh eyes fuelled with love, inspiration and purpose. I had produced tracks for me. I DJ'd for me. I lived for me. Wow, I was selfish. This new found desire to achieve success came from a whole new angle. For now I had a family to provide for, a Daughter to show example to, a pressure to be relieved from my partner. With our 3 lives merging into 1, I allowed music to re-enter our world.
IX : MAKING IT (A) SUCCESS.
For months, my mind would work overtime. I would answer my own questions and mark them out of 10. Some requiring a red pen so I would start over again... until the moment I became a Father. Far from a man at 25 years of age, paying parents keep on minimum wage. Head in the clouds, pursuing success, chasing the status yet achieving less. My success? Born and not manufactured. Ideals fractured in that moment we captured. From 2 to 3 we quickly adapted. A new beginning far from raptured. Here you are Daddy, I barely reacted. Shock and in awe thats why they call it magic. 2 years on yet where did we pass it? Our expectation you are sure to surpass it. 18 year exam to say we passed it, I'll colour in your book and vow never to pass it. I caught the bug and became your biggest addict.
See, success can be defined and achieved in many ways. Some measured in years, others acquire in days. But who is it that labels you unsuccessful? Critics paid to be disrespectful. No knowledge of the life you lived to get to, the dreams you followed to have people neglect you.
"Success on paper is safer"... savour that thought. Yet happiness isn't an object that can be touched nor bought? From an early age, to me affection was taught. Independent ideas, to filter and assort. Reading between the lines, refuse to snort.
Class A, top set, for you i'm in emotional debt. For you gave me purpose and goals to be met. So sample my example, remove the chance of regret, enhance my decisions i'm your safety net. Reach those heights, cast your silhouette, my monies on you in life's roulette, enrich my soul now i've placed my bet, success? My greatest yet.
CONCL-U-SION & ILL-U-SION
When announcing the expectation of a child, the vast majority of reactions are very warm and positive. However, for some the thought of having a child and being responsible for another human signals the end. The end of the life you currently lead and pulling the plug on your dreams. The prevention of success.
My evaluation of my experiences during the past 2 years felt necessary. Because new life sparks new life. The arrival of our Daughter injected me with motivation. Determination, admiration, dedication. Because ultimately, you are your success. You determine how successful you are. You make your own success. To raise a healthy Daughter who feels loved will be my success. To build on foundations with a happy home will be my success. To be successful within music will be a bonus. Without content you are empty. Without purpose you are lost. Now that I am a parent, I have gained more ground on my journey than I ever would without content and purpose.
Sure there are hard times, but it makes you stronger. There are more doors but you just knock longer. You expose more flaws yet fall fonder, years of work too valuable to squander.